THE IMPORTANCE OF VERBAL ENVIRONMENT IN ENHANCING CHILDREN’S SELF-ESTEEM

Berta Esti Ari Prasetya

Faculty of Psychology

Satya Wacana Christian University

It has long been believed that self-esteem plays important role in human life and has been related to many areas of human life. It has been related to demographic, sociological, and psychological variables (Teh, 1999), ranging from helping behavior, perceived responsibility for success or failure at a task, family income, occupational status, mother’s employment, depression, charisma of the leader, ritual and collective effervescence, life stress, violence and aggression, problem-solving skills, and so forth. Self-esteem also acts as predictor in life satisfaction, either in individualistic culture or in collectivistic culture (Diener & Diener, 1995). Moreover, Tumangday (2002) asserted that those who have high overall evaluation of themselves (therefore have high level of self-esteem) tend to respect and like themselves. She suggests that liking oneself plays a major role in someone’s success and happiness. The individual’s attempts to maintain this value judgment will guide every action of his/her life. Furthermore, she noted that self-respect and respect for others go together. In children, low level of self-esteem can be manifested in inferiority feeling as an indication of development problem among children.

Children learn about themselves from feedbacks given by their environment. Children gather information about their value as persons through interaction with significant others (Coopersmith & Swayze, as cited by Kostenik, Stein and Whiren, 1988). In this sense, environment works as mirror for them. If what reflected was good, children will make a positive evaluation of self. In the contrary, if the image is negative, children will deduce that they have little worth.

In the classroom setting, one way of giving the feedback as mirror to children is manifested by what teacher say to children and how they say it. It is believed that teacher verbalizations are a key factor in the degree to which children perceive themselves as worthy and competent or the opposite (Kostelnik, Stein, Whiren & Soderman, as cited in Kostenik, Stein & Whiren, 1988). Those verbalizations called verbal environment. It is said that verbal environment is an important component of every program in school.

Verbal environment include words and silence, how much adults say, what they say, how they speak, to whom they talk and how well they listen. The verbal environment can be characterized as positive or negative. Negative verbal environment are ones in which children are made to feel unworthy, incompetent, unlovable or insignificant. In positive verbal environment, words are aimed at satisfying children’s needs and making children feel valued.

Morover Kostenik, Stein & Whiren (1988) proposed characters of the negative verbal environment as follows:

1. Adult show little or no interest in children’s activities because they are in a hurry, busy, engrossed in their own thought and endeavors or tired.
2. Teachers pay superficial attention to what children have to say.
3. Adults speak discourteously to children.
4. Teachers use judgmental vocabulary in describing children to themselves and others.
5. Staff members actively discourage children from talking to them.
6. Grownups rely on giving orders and making demands as their number one means of relating to children.
7. Adults ask questions for which no real answer is expected or desired.
8. Caregivers use children’s names as synonyms for the words “no”, “don’t” or “stop”, by barking out their names as reprimand.
9. Teachers use baby talk in giving information or direction.
10. Adults dominate the verbal exchange that take place each day.

Character of the positive verbal environment:

1. Adults use words to show affection for children and sincere interest in them.
2. Adults send congruent verbal and nonverbal messages.
3. Adults extend invitations to children to interact with them.
4. Teachers listen attentively to what children have to say.
5. Adults speak courteously to children.
6. Adults use children’s interests as a basis for conversation.
7. Adults plan or take advantage of spontaneous opportunities to talk with each child informally.
8. Teachers avoid making judgmental comments about children either to them or within their hearing.
9. Adults refrain from speaking when talk would destroy the mood of the interaction.
10. Grownups focus their attention on children when they professionally engage with them.

The interesting effect as result from positive verbal environment is that the effect is not important only for children but also for the adults who participate in them. In a positive atmosphere, children learn that they are important and enhance their self-perceptions of competence and worth. But at the same time, adults also benefit the effect by finding it easier to establish and maintain rapport with the children. The writer suggested that in turn it makes youngsters more receptive to the social learning adults wish to impart to them (cited from Braumind, 1977; Katz, 1977), because children tend to view the adults as sources of comfort and support.

The author noticed that early childhood setting, the pattern of negative verbal environment frequently is done unintentionally by adults. There are three common reasons why this occurs (Kostelnik, 1987).

·        Adult fail to consciously consider the impact their words have on children

·        Adults get caught up in the hurried pace of the job and think they cannot take the time to have more positive verbal interactions with the children.

·        Adults are not used to thinking before speaking and, as a result, say things they do no really mean and talk in ways they do not intend.

Further more the authors suggested that positive verbal environment happen by purposeful planning and implementation. To be successful in the effort needs adults to recognize the characteristic of the positive verbal environment and then incorporate the corresponding behaviors into their interactions with children.

The authors suggested the steps to achieving the results are:

1. Familiarize with the features of both positive and negative verbal environment.
2. Listen carefully to what we say and how we say it.
3. Make deliberate decision to create a positive verbal environment.
4. Keep track of the positive verbal behaviors that you use.
5. Give recognition to other staff members who are attempting to improve the verbal environment for children.

According to Mc Kay and Fanning (2000), self esteem is defined as an extend somebody feel how worth he/she is. How he like/dislike him/herself; how he rejects or accept/love himself. How this person see him/herself as an important human being that deserves to have good things in life. Person with high self esteem will see him/herself in positive way, and realize that he/she has some potential and talents.

Further more, they mentioned that there are two kinds of self esteem. The first one is, characterological self-esteem:  this kind of self esteem has roots in early experiences of abuse or abandonment, someone who has a low score of characterological self esteem will have sense of “wrongness” in global and tends to affect many areas of life. This is a kind of general self esteem, how a person see himself in general as a worthy person, how he like or dislike himself in general. The second one is situational self-esteem: it is self esteem that tends to show up in a specific area. Example: someone may feel that he is good in math, in basket ball, he feels good in school, he feels good in social interaction, but maybe he feels that he is a bad in music. So, we can say that this kind of self esteem is more fluctuated, depends on the different situation that we encounter in life.

According to these two different kinds of self-esteem, then, it has to be clear also for teachers which kind of self-esteem that is meant to be built in children through their programs in school. For example: in building the characterological self-esteem, since this is the kind of self-esteem that was established since she was very young, for example children who has problem as being abandoned by their parents or was a victim of abused, might has a very low self-esteem. This kind of children will need a special treatment compare to others and will need more than just a positive verbal environment to build up their self-esteem.     

Parents and other significant others as teachers, have a very significant influence to their children (Mc Kay & Fanning, 2000). What they say is always believed by their children. Therefore, it is very important for parents and teachers to be careful to what they say about their children. They have to say right thing in a right way about their children. This is how the positive verbal environment will take role in building up children’s self-esteem.  

As it was mentioned in the article by Kostenik, Stein and Whirenn (1988), to be successful in the effort of building up children’s self-esteem, adults need to recognize the characteristic of the positive verbal environment and then incorporate the corresponding behaviors into their interactions with children. But it was also mentioned that the pattern of negative verbal environment frequently is done unintentionally by adults. There are three common reasons why this occurs (Kostelnik, 1987 as cited in the article reviewed).

·        Adult fail to consciously consider the impact their words have on children

·        Adults get caught up in the hurried pace of the job and think they cannot take the time to have more positive verbal interactions with the children.

·        Adults are not used to thinking before speaking and, as a result, say things they do no really mean and talk in ways they do not intend.

Therefore the suggestion of recognizing the characteristic of positive or  negative verbal environment will be difficult  to be put into action, since frequently adults even did the negative verbal environment unintentionally. Therefore what is suggested by the author as five steps to achieving the results is really make sense and in a way it is very practical.

But I would say that the first step must be: that adults must consciously consider the impact of their words have to children. Because those 5 steps will never be made if adults never recognize how big their words give impact to children. Why bother to do it if we don’t think it’s worth it to do? Once adult have realized how important what they say to children, then the next step is what is written as the third step in the author’s article, which is making deliberate decision to create a positive verbal environment. Starting with making decision, we will have a heart to try to do anything necessary to make it succeed.

The need for structure: the need for rules, implicit or explicit, operative in a family, rules about what is or is not acceptable and permissible, what is expected, how various kind of behavior are dealt with etc.  

But how can we say something positive about our children to them if we do not think that they are? Even if we familiarize with positive words but we don’t think that they deserve to have it, then, how can we ever say it? Even if we try to say it, we will just say it because we have to say it, how our children will believe it? And how good we are able to keep our consciousness to say what we think “good” about our children if at the back of our mind we think that they are not? Won’t there be a time when we are out of control, then, we will say the real thing that we have in our mind about our children, which is the opposite of what we said before?

Therefore, the most important thing to be able to “say” positive words to our children is that we have to start with having “positive perception” of our children. (McKay & Fanning, 2000).   Since what is believed by parents and teachers about their children, it is what will be reflected in the way parents treated or say something to their children. Therefore the first thing that has to be changed in parents and teachers is the way the parents and teachers see their children in a more positive way.

How can we see children in more positive way? Mckay & Fanning (2000) suggested that parents and teachers need to get to know their children, they need to know their children’s strength and weaknesses, and focusing more on their strength rather than their weaknesses.  Have a good relationship and trust from their children is a way to get to know them better (McKay & Fanning, 2000). It can be built first of all by “listening” skill that parents should have. Listening skill involves:

a)      Parent readiness to listen: parents and teachers have to be sure that they are ready to really listen to their children. Being in a hurry or being tired is a very natural condition in human life. We can not avoid this situation. Forcing ourselves to listen in this kind of situation will just make the children feel that we don’t really listen to them. We can tell them that we do believe that what they try to say is important, but if they can wait for awhile they will have a better time to tell. So related to the article being reviewed, it is not “being tired” and “being in a hurry” in adult that can make children have a low self-esteem, but it is that we do not have interest in children’s thought or feeling. And being interested in what they say, it doesn’t mean that we have to listen to their whole story right a way, at anytime they want.      

b)      Give a full attention to the child: once we say that we will listen, give a full attention.

c)      Minimize distraction: avoid telephone ring, or any other thing, and assure children that they are our priority this time.

d)      Be an active listener: ask questions, clarify situation, respond and look at the child.

e)      Invite a child to talk

What to listen for:

1. Listen for the point of the story: what is the real reason behind his story. If a boy tells his teacher that he has finished reading a book, find what he really tried to tell.  Is it that he is so proud of himself? Is it that he wants to share the story of the book? Is it that he is asking for another interesting book but afraid to say it frankly? Give feedback.
2. Don’t feel that we have to fix things
3. Listen and respond to the feelings, not only the story. 

And the more important thing is “accepting” our child’s negative feelings. It involves act to acknowledge their feelings and give support to express them in an acceptable way, so that eventually can let go off those feelings. With this “listening skill”, parents and teachers will get trust from their children, and by that trust, children will be able to disclose more about themselves, that will enable parents and children to see the strength of their children.

By having a positive outlook towards our children, it will help us more to say more positive verbalization. Then the next step as suggested by the author, can be made. Such as 1) Familiarize with the features of both positive and negative verbal environment, 2) listen carefully to what we say and how we say it. 3) keep track of the positive verbal behaviors that you use. 4) Give recognition to other staff members who are attempting to improve the verbal environment for children. These steps will help us to build a habit of positive verbalization.

But providing children with a positive verbal environment is only “one” way for parents and teachers to help children’s self-esteem to grow. But there are also some basic things are needed to make children to have a high level of self-esteem. Providing a good verbal environment without paying attention to another aspects that is needed to build-up self-esteem will make the effort to do it will not be effective. It has to be a complete program which is not only providing a positive verbal environment, but also other kind of approach that is needed in building a high level of self-esteem in children.

As we try to build a positive verbal environment, we need to consider what kind of conditions that can build up a high level of self esteem. Copersmith (as cited in Branden, 1994) proposed that self-esteem in children can be nurtured by some conditions. In this case, the positive verbal environment needs also to ensure that these conditions that are needed will be fulfilled in parents’ and teachers’ verbalization:

1.      Basic safety and security: children need the satisfaction of physiological needs, protection form the elements and basic caretaking in all its obvious aspect. In school setting then, it is very important for teachers to know the background of the children. Is this basic safety and security needs has been fulfilled? Since it is a basic need, the failure to fulfill this basic need can be a big obstacle in building children’s self-esteem. 

2.      Nurturing through touch: It is believed that “touching” is the most therapeutic. Do we touch our children to tell them that they are worthy?  

3.      Love: It is conveyed by verbal expression, nurturing actions and the joy and pleasure we show in the sheer fact of the child’s being.

4.      Acceptance: A child whose feelings and thought are treated with acceptance tends to internalize the response and to learn self-acceptance. Acceptance is not agreement, it is by listening to and acknowledging the child’s thought and feelings and by not chastising, arguing, lecturing, psychologizing or insulting. It is important that our verbal expression assure children that we accept them.     

5.      Respect

6.      Visibility: When we convey love, appreciation, empathy, acceptance, respect, we make a child visible. Our positive verbalization has to be able to tell children that they are visible by us.

7.      Age-appropriate nurturing: Nurturing has to be appropriate to the child’s level of development. The way we talk, we treat children has to be appropriate to child’s level of development.

8.      Praise and Criticism: inappropriate praise can be as harmful to self-esteem as inappropriate criticism. It is important to consider how we praise and critic our children.

9.      Adult expectations: we need to expect children to learn, master knowledge and move toward increasing maturity, but this expectations need to be calibrated to the child’s level of development. That positive verbalization has to reflect this appropriate expectation.

10.  Dealing with mistake: how adult dealt with children’s mistake will affect children’s self esteem. The way we tell our children what is mistakes will affect how they will think about mistakes.

11.  The need for sanity: Children need to know that the universe is rational, and that human existence is knowable, predictable and stable. Our verbalizations need to ensure this sanity of the world to children.

Goffin (1989) in his article added that esteem for childhood requires not only respectful actions with children but also respectful actions on their behalf. It was also mentioned that to be able to build up a high level of self-esteem we need to be respectful to children. This kind of respectful attitude then will be reflected in how we provide a verbal environment for children. There are questions for teachers to check whether we respect our children or not.  (based on Goffin’s article (1989). The more “yes” answers to these following questions will reflect the more respect we have to our children :

1. Do you believe that childhood have their own way of thinking and learning that is different from older children? Do you respect for childhood, therefore pay attention to and showing esteem for the characteristics of childhood- such as activity, impulsiveness, curiosity, learning through exploration?
2. Do you respond to children’s individuality? Do you acknowledge the unique characteristics of individual children and the ways their uniqueness is revealed in decisions, choices, preferences and styles of responding to and interacting with objects and people?
3. Do you develop nurturing relationship with children?
4. Do you use adult authority with wisdom to facilitate children’s growth into caring adults?
5. Do you consider how day-to-day practices influence children? Do you thing that children learn not only from what they are taught but also from how they are taught? That every single interaction with them will give impact to their development?
6. Do you recognize discipline as a learning experience for children and viewing mistakes as potential learning opportunities?
7. Do you acknowledging children’s competencies?
8. Do you organize curriculum that provides children with interesting things to think about? That learning experiences should be organized as extensions and elaborations of children’s current interests and understandings- the basis for meaningful learning.
9. Do you support and strengthening parents in their childrearing responsibilities?
10. Do you acknowledge the expertise needed to be a professional in early childhood education?
11. Do you speak out on behalf of early childhood education as a profession?
12. Do you speak out on behalf of children’s needs to parents, school administrators, business, and community representatives and policy makers?

 

One important factor that often becomes the biggest obstacle to gain high level of self-esteem is “mistakes”. Mistakes can be the easiest tool to ruin self-esteem in children. Therefore, how teachers deal with children’s mistakes will be the most challenging situation to be able to sustain children high level of self-esteem.

Wasserman (1989) in his article suggested that in order to help children to grow with self-esteem, classroom has to function as a learning laboratory in which error is examined clinically, critically and wisely, without the emotional baggage of negative judgment encumbering it. Further more, he reminded that we can not empower children with practices that rooted in punishment for errors, for such practices give the very opposite results. Instead of empowering them, we make them afraid to try, afraid to take risks, for fear that “they will be wrong”.  He proposed that if our goal is to produce “can-do” children, we must abandon the practices that demean them, crush their spirits and diminish their dignity. Humiliation and rejection in the form of cruel evaluation statements of punitive grading can not build self esteem. Therefore how we verbalize a positive evaluation statements can help building up self-esteem in children.

Another important thing that needs to be considered is the teacher’s own feelings towards the children’s mistake. Perhaps some of the teacher’s obvious distress over children’s performance comes from her own feelings of disappointment that “the children have let her down”. Rather than directing the anger toward herself, she is more likely to displace that anger and turn it towards those whose performance has questioned her teaching competence (Wassermann, 1989). This kind of anger verbalization will be very bad affecting children’s self-esteem.

Kieff & Casbergue (2000) proposed that responding positively to children is not enough for parents and teachers only. They must also work to establish a classroom environment that encourages children to respond positively to each other. Teachers have responsibility to ensure that all children are valued and accepted by their peers. Peers rejection is a critical issue in the development of self-esteem, and its effect are long lasting (Kieff & Kasbergue, 2000).

How to make this condition in class? To start a class that will respect every body in class equally, Feiertag & Chernoff (1987) suggested that the most important thing is to change the children’s preconceived notions of each other’s ability. For example in class discussion, we have to make it clear in the class discussion that there would be no right or wrong answers, only opinions. Wassermann (1989) added that the most important thing is “searching” than finding “the right answer”, that every effort is worthwhile and deserves appreciation. Kieff & Casbergue (2000) suggested that teacher has to be proactive in their efforts to establish a classroom culture of respect and acceptance. They must make it clear that taunting and teasing are not acceptable and will not be tolerated. It is also very important for teachers to help children to understand that there are diversities in people, and that one person might does things differently from other people.     

Further more Kieff & Casbergue (2000) also reminded that children’s self- esteem is closely tied to their body images. In a society that is obsessed with thinness, it is not unusual for children say they are dieting. Even in school children are teased about their weight. Thus it is incumbent upon teachers to foster positive body images by helping children value healthy rather than simply thin bodies through their positive verbalization.

And after all, parents and teachers are the first model for children to learn about self-esteem. Therefore it is also very important that before adults can teach children about self-esteem, and make a positive verbalization about their children, first of all parents and teacher have to be persons who have a high level of self-esteem themselves (Mc Kay & Fanning, 2000; Branden, 1994). They also need to talk with a positive verbalization about themselves to their children. McKay and Fanning (2000) mentioned that children will learn from their significant adults how they value themselves as well. This means that children also have to learn that parents and teachers also have some needs that need to be fulfilled, and that parents and teachers deserve to have that fulfillment. Parents and teachers need to show children that they also give time for themselves to fulfill those needs that they have.

And as parents and teachers, we have those big responsibilities to help our children to have a good life, but it can only be started by the parents and teachers, that they are having and enjoying themselves, a good life. 

REFERENCES

Branden, N. 1994. The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. New York: Bantam Books.

Feiertag, J. & Chernoff, L. Inferential Thinking and Self-Esteem. Childhood Education. April 1987. 252 – 254.

Goffin, S.G. How well do we respect the children of our care? Childhood Education. Winter 1989. 68- 74.

Kieff, J.E. & Casbergue, R.M. 2000. Playful Learning and Teaching. USA: Allyn & Bacon.

McKay, M. & Fanning, P. 2000. Self Esteem. Oakland: New Harbinger Publications

Wassermann, S. Learning to Value Error. Childhood Education. Summer 1989. 233 – 235.

Kostelnik, M.J.,Stein, L.C. and Whiren, A.P. …………… Children’s Self-Esteem: The Verbal Environment.

   

 

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