Menjadi Ibu di Masa Kini

Oleh Berta Esti Ari Prasetya

Menjadi “ibu” jaman sekarang, adalah tugas yang penuh tantangan. Ada berbagai persoalan besar yang dihadapi para ibu dalam rangka membesarkan anaknya di masa sekarang dibandingkan di masa-masa dahulu. Sebagaimana dicatat oleh Lamanna dan Riedman (1994), berbagai persoalan itu misalnya:

1. Semakin banyaknya ibu yang bekerja dan tidak hanya menjadi ibu rumah tangga. Hal ini mengakibatkan semakin minimnya waktu yang bisa diberikan oleh ibu untuk memfokuskan perhatian mereka kepada anak.
2. Adanya standard yang lebih besar untuk membesarkan anak dibandingkan jaman dulu: Misalnya membesarkan anak sekarang tidak boleh memakai kekerasan (sudah ada Undang-Undang Anti Kekerasan terhadap Anak) sehingga perlu mengembangkan teknik lain, anak dituntut masyarakat untuk menguasai berbagai ketrampilan yang lebih kompleks daripada dulu (misalnya harus bisa internet, sempoa, bisa berenang, bisa bahasa Inggris dan Mandarin, materi pelajaran yang sangat banyak, dll.); juga kenyataan bahwa saat ini memiliki anak yang bisa lulus kuliah dan berpendidikan baik bukan lagi “pilihan” tapi semacam keharusan.
3. Orang tua jaman sekarang membesarkan anak dalam masyarakat majemuk yang memiliki berbagai “nilai keyakinan” yang beraneka rupa, yang kadang bisa menimbulkan konflik. Hal ini terjadi karena makin majunya teknologi yang memungkinkan penyebaran informasi dan nilai-nilai keyakinan melalui berbagai sumber seperti: TV, film-film, buku, musik, internet, dll. yang bisa saja bertentangan dengan nilai-nilai yang telah kita ajarkan pada anak.
4. Semakin getolnya orang-orang melakukan penelitian bagi perkembangan anak. Berbagai hasil penelitian meyakinkan bahwa sikap orang tua terhadap anak mempengaruhi IQ, kemampuan menghargai diri sendiri anak, keberhasilan anak di masa mendatang, kepribadian anak, dll. Hal ini semakin membuat orang tua, terutama ibu, yang sering ditunjuk sebagai “petugas membesarkan anak di rumah”, menjadi merasa bersalah dan cemas, takut bila telah melakukan kesalahan dalam membesarkan anak.
5. Jenis keluarga yang semakin beragam dengan adanya kawin cerai, memungkinkan orang memiliki anak tiri, keluarga tanpa bapak atau ibu dll. Sehingga persoalan-persoalan yang dihadapi para keluargapun semakin kompleks dan beragam.

Namun lepas dari semua persoalan itu, tetap perlu diingat juga bahwa kita saat ini memiliki banyak keuntungan dibandingkan dari orangtua jaman dulu. Misalnya di saat ini pemahaman tentang kesehatan sudah semakin membaik. Banyak penyakit anak yang sudah ditemukan obatnya, sehingga orang tua sudah tidak begitu kawatir lagi dibandingkan sekian tahun yang lampau mengenai kesehatan anak. Informasi mudah tersebar, sehingga memungkinkan pemberian informasi tentang perawatan anak melalui berbagai seminar, buku-buku petunjuk dan hasil2 penelitian yang dapat membantu cara membesarkan anak, baik dari TV, internet, film dll. Masa sekarang suami juga lebih terlibat dalam pengasuhan anak dibandingkan masa dulu, sehingga suami bisa menjadi teman sekerja para ibu dalam membesarkan anak, sehingga tanggung jawab pengasuhan anak tidak hanya dibebankan pada kaum ibu saja.

Dalam berbagai tantangannya menjadi ibu jaman sekarang, Semua ibu tentu mendambakan untuk dapat membesarkan anak yang “berhasil” meskipun harus berhadapan dengan tantangan jaman ini. Dalam hal ini, hal pertama yang perlu dikaji tentu adalah apakah konsep anak yang “berhasil” yang telah kita miliki itu sudah tepat. Seperti apakah anak berhasil? Apakah mereka yang bisa sukses menjadi orang kaya, bergelar kesarjanaan tertentu, patuh dan tunduk pada perintah orang tua? Kita sering terjebak dalam konsep anak yang berhasil hanyalah anak yang melulu memiliki segala hal yang dapat memberikan kebanggaan bagi orang tua di depan masyarakat. Terkadang kita lupa mencantumkan pentingnya “perasaan” anak kita sendiri tentang bagaimana menjadi dirinya.    

Bettelheim (1987) menegaskan bahwa indikasi bahwa kita telah membesarkan anak dengan benar bukan hanya produk luar bahwa anak itu telah mencapai gelar kesarjanaan tertentu atau jumlah materi ini atau itu. Tetapi yang terutama adalah bahwa anak tersebut menjadi orang yang mampu mengatasi persoalan-persoalan hidupnya bahkan yang berat. Ia mampu melakukan hal tersebut terutama karena dia memiliki rasa aman terhadap dirinya sendiri, meskipun bukan berarti bahwa dia tidak selalu bebas dari rasa ragu terhadap dirinya sendiri (karena hanya orang-orang yang terlalu sombong yang sama sekali tak pernah ragu akan dirinya sendiri). Ia orang yang punya inner- life yang kaya (kehidupan di dalam  pribadinya) dan membahagiakan, yang membuatnya puas akan hidupnya sendiri. Mampu menjaga hubungan yang memuaskan, “tahan lama”, dan dekat dengan orang lain, baik orang tua, saudara-saudara, serta orang-orang yang dikasihinya. Mereka juga orang yang bisa menikmati pekerjaannya, dan puas dengan apa yang dibuatnya dalam kehidupan ini. Anak-anak yang seperti inilah yang dapat bertahan dalam arus kehidupan yang bagaimanapun juga, yang tidak mudah terpengaruh meskipun diterpa arus informasi yang mungkin saja menyesatkan seperti sekarang ini, baik melalui TV, internet, film, musik dll.

Sebagai orang beriman kita tentu memiliki konsep pula bahwa anak yang berhasil adalah anak yang suatu kali akan menemukan TUHAN-nya, menerima Kristus sebagai juru selamat pribadinya dan menjadi bagian dari orang-orang yang diselamatkan. Seperti diungkapkan oleh seorang penulis bahwa tugas utama seorang ibu dalam membesarkan anak adalah mengenalkan anaknya pada sang Khalik yang telah mengirimnya ke kandungan seorang ibu, supaya bahkan sejak anak dalam kandungan sang ibu, ibu sudah mulai berdoa dan membimbing supaya si anak dapat belajar tentang Tuhannya, sehingga suatu saat si anak dapat mengenalNya dan berbicara kepada Tuhannya.

Dalam hal ini, maka yang disebut membesarkan anak dengan benar bukan hanya menciptakan anak yang sekedar patuh pada perintah orang tua, dan “baik” dalam pandangan masyarakat saja, tapi yang penting adalah anak yang mampu mengembangkan prinsip hidupnya sendiri yang bertanggung jawab, mandiri, kreatif, dan memiliki kehidupan pribadi yang hidup, dan menikmati serta bahagia menjadi dirinya sendiri, dan yang tak kalah penting adalah mengenal Allahnya yang benar.

Membesarkan Anak

Sebelum kita berbicara tentang “teknik” membesarkan anak, ada yang perlu diperhatikan seperti yang dinyatakan oleh Bettleheim (1987) bahwa membesarkan setiap anak memiliki pengalaman yang berbeda-beda antara anak satu dan yang lain. Setiap anak begitu unik, sehingga Bettelheim (1987) pun berpendapat bahwa teori untuk membesarkan anak tidak bisa begitu saja digeneralisir untuk semua orang. Beberapa penelitian juga dicatat oleh Gray (2001) menemukan bahwa setiap anakpun mempengaruhi cara orang tua membesarkan anak-anak itu dengan cara yang berbeda. Setiap anak menimbulkan perasaan yang berbeda di dalam hati orang tuanya, setiap anak bereaksi dengan cara yang berbeda pula dalam menanggapi tindakan orang tuanya, sehingga hal ini juga rupanya membuat orang tuanya memperlakukan anak dengan cara yang khas sendiri-sendiri.

Hal di atas dapat diartikan bahwa meskipun kita punya teori tentang membesarkan anak, namun kita tidak boleh terjebak, dan berpatokan mati terhadap teori-teori tersebut. Namun sebaliknya kita harus selalu tanggap terhadap sifat “UNIK” sang anak. Dicontohkan oleh Bettleheim (1987) bahwa seperti dalam bermain catur, kita mungkin pernah belajar tentang metode bermain catur, namun saat benar-benar bermain, kita tidak pernah tahu bagaimana langkah yang akan ditempuh lawan catur kita. Sama seperti saat kita bermain catur, kitapun tidak pernah bisa menduga bagaimana reaksi anak, dan seberapa  efektif langkah yang telah kita tempuh.

Sehubungan dengan hal di atas, maka hal yang diperlukan untuk menjadi ibu yang efektif bukanlah hanya sekedar teknik, tetapi yang lebih utama adalah menjadi ibu yang “tanggap”, dan sensitive terhadap kebutuhan dan reaksi anak. Sebagaimana Bettleheim (1987) mengggaris bawahi bahwa orang tua harus selalu bersedia mengevaluasi setiap langkah yang dibuatnya dan melihat apakah langkah mereka sudah efektif. Untuk hal ini, maka keahlian pertama yang paling penting dalam membesarkan anak adalah “sikap empati” terhadap anak, yaitu berusaha menyelami apa yang kira-kira dirasakan oleh anak, apa sebenarnya motif dari setiap tindakan anak, apa kebutuhan yang sedang dipenuhi oleh anak-anak sehingga mereka bersikap tertentu. Dengan kemampuan ini orang tua dapat menilai apakah tindakan yang telah dilakukannya tepat bagi anak tersebut, atau sebaliknya justru telah melukai perasaan anaknya, yang menyebabkan reaksi yang diharapkan dalam jangka panjang. 

Pada saat yang sama, hal lain yang perlu dimiliki adalah kemampuan menyelami perasaan kita sendiri. Hal ini sangat penting mengingat hubungan antara ibu dan anak adalah hubungan antara dua individu. Para ibu bukanlah robot yang tidak memiliki perasaan, keterbatasan-keterbatasan dan kelelahan dalam menghadapi reaksi-reaksi anak yang mungkin jauh dari yang diinginkan. Memahami apa yang sedang sedang rasakan dan pikirkan dalam menghadapi anak akan menolong para ibu untuk dapat menempatkan porsi yang semestinya bagi perasaan dan pikirannya sehingga tidak perlu kehabisan energi dan tetap menikmati tugas sebagai ibu. Saat reaksi antara ibu dan anak begitu intens, para ibu perlu untuk berhenti sejenak untuk menempatkan pikiran dan perasaannya pada takaran yang semestinya. Pada saat yang sama para ibu perlu mengevaluasi, sebenarnya apa motif perilakunya sendiri saat menghadapi anak-anaknya, niat di hatinya sendiri sehingga ia bersikap tertentu terhadap anak. Benarkah ia berniat demi kepentingan anak? Atau ia sebenarnya sedang memanipulasi anak demi kepentingan pribadi mereka sendiri? 

Lebih lanjut Bettleheim (1987) menyebutkan bahwa untuk menjadi orang tua yang baik, (dalam hal ini menjadi ibu yang baik), orang tua harus mampu merasa aman dan tidak cemas dalam perannya sebagai orang tua, dan hubungannya dengan anaknya. Penting pula mengenali “bagaimana perasaan kita sendiri menjadi orangtua bagi anak tersebut”. Menjadi orang tua yang baik hanya bisa dimulai dengan rasa nyamannya menjadi orang tua dan kegembiraannya menjalani peran sebagai orang tua. Rasa aman ini akan membuat anak juga merasa aman tentang dirinya sendiri (Bettleheim, 1987).

Sebelum kita membicarakan tentang bagaimana membesarkan seorang anak, yang perlu juga kita sadari adalah bahwa kita tidak hanya sedang mengajarkan kepada anak melalui apa yang kita katakan, tetapi sebagaimana dicatat dalam banyak penelitian bahwa anak belajar dari apa yang kita lakukan (Lasswell & Lasswell (1987). Orang tua adalah model nyata bagi anak. Sehingga untuk mengajarkan anak untuk berkembang menjadi orang yang baik, kita sendiri harus telah menjadi “contoh hidup” dari hal-hal yang kita ajarkan kepada anak kita. Oleh karena itu, sebelum kita sibuk memikirkan teknik apa yang tepat dan mengevaluasi teknik-teknik kita, sangat perlu kita juga selalu mengevaluasi kita sendiri saat ini ada di mana dalam jenjang atau tahap “perkembangan hidup” kita sendiri. Oleh karena itu, perlunya terus menjadi “orang yang bertumbuh”, “berkembang” bukan saja menjadi tugas bagi anak-anak kita, tetapi terutama tentu juga menjadi “PR” bagi diri kita sendiri. Sebagaimana tugas kita untuk memenuhi kebutuhan-kebutuhan anak kita dan mengajarkan kepada anak-anak kita cara memenuhi kebutuhan-kebutuhan mereka, kitapun harus perduli dan mau belajar tentang bagaimana memenuhi kebutuhan kita sendiri sebagai manusia yang terus bertumbuh dan perlu untuk bertumbuh. Hanya dengan cara inilah anak-anak kita mendapat “contoh hidup” mengenai kehidupan yang tak pernah mandeg, proses belajar yang tak pernah berhenti, perjuangan untuk menjadi “lebih baik” yang tak pernah berkesudahan. 

Pertanyaan berikutnya: adalah bagaimana dapat mampu menyelami kebutuhan anak, maupun menyelami kebutuhan kita sendiri sebagai ibu.  Untuk mampu berempati terhadap perasaan dan kebutuhan anak, dan mengevaluasi sampai di mana perkembangan hidup kita sendiri, salah satu teori perkembangan anak mungkin dapat memberikan gambaran tentang kebutuhan anak dan kebutuhan kita sendiri sesuai dengan tahap usia anak maupun usia kita sendiri.

Delapan tahap perkembangan Erikson (dalam Santrock, 1995).

1. Trust vs mistrust (percaya – tidak percaya): tahun pertama

Pada anak usia ini, mereka membutuhkan perasaan nyaman secara fisik, bebas dari rasa takut dan cemas akan kelangsungan hidupnya. Bila kebutuhan anak dasar dipenuhi oleh pengasuh dengan kasih sayang, pengasuh tanggap dan peka terhadap kebutuhan anak, maka anak akan berkembang menjadi anak yang memiliki trust(kepercayaan) akan orang di sekitarnya. Ia akan percaya bahwa dunia dimana dia tinggal adalah dunia yang baik. Sebaliknya bila anak diasuh dengan kasar, kebutuhan fisiknya tidak dipenuhi, merasakan ketidaknyamanan fisik dan memiliki rasa cemas dan takut, maka ia akan mengembangkan mistrust (ketidakpercayaan). Dia cemas akan dunia di sekitarnya. Sehingga tugas utama ibu pada masa ini adalah memenuhi kebutuhan fisiknya, membebaskan anak-anak ini dari rasa cemas dan takut. Bettleheim (1987) menambahkahan bahwa perkembangan diri, punya dasar pada “body-self” (tubuh fisik) satu hal terbaik yang bisa dilakukan oleh orang tua untuk membantu anak mengembangkan body-self yang positif terhadap tubuhnya adalah dengan membuatnya merasa baik mengenai tubuhnya dan apa yang bisa dilakukan tubuh bagi anak itu, dan betapa orang tua menghargai tubuh anak dan menyayanginya, sehingga anak akan melakukan hal yang sama terhadap tubuhnya sendiri. Hal ini bisa ditunjukkan oleh ibu dengan cara merawat anak dengan lembut dan menghargainya. Penghargaan orang tua ini akan membuat anak menyadari juga untuk menghargai tubuhnya sendiri, dan punya keinginan supaya tubuhnya tidak rusak. Di masa-masa mendatang, penghargaan terhadap tubuhnya sendiri ini bisa menjadi dasar bagi terhindarnya anak dari tindakan-tindakan merusak tubuhnya baik melalui obat-obatan terlarang, rokok, seks bebas dll.

2. Otonomi vs doubt (Otonomi – Rasa malu atau ragu-ragu): tahun ke-2.

Pada umur ini, bayi yang memiliki rasa percaya pada lingkungannya akan berani mencoba beberapa hal, dan akhirnya tahu bahwa dirinya bisa melakukan sesuatu untuk dirinya sendiri. Ia mengembangkan kemampuan otonomi atau kemandirian. Apabila orang tua mendukung, memuji usahanya, dia akan semakin yakin bahwa ia mampu merasakan kemandirian mereka. Namun sebaliknya jika bayi dibatasi, dihukum terlalu keras yang tidak pada tempatnya, maka cenderung akan mengembangkan rasa malu dan ragu-ragu akan kemampuan dirinya (doubt/ragu-ragu). Sehingga tugas utama ibu pada masa ini adalah mendukung anak, memuji “usaha”-nya untuk mandiri, memberikan pengakuan yang diperlukan anak sehingga anak meyakini bahwa ia memiliki otonomi atas hidupnya sendiri.

3. Industry vs guilty feeling (Prakarsa – Rasa bersalah): usia pra-sekolah 3-5 th.

Pada perkembangan berikutnya anak-anak dihadapkan pada tantangan yang lebih luas, lingkungan yang lebih luas. Anak-anak yang memiliki kemandirian, dalam masa sekolahnya semakin ingin menunjukkan bahwa ia mampu membuat sesuatu, punya prakarsa memproduksi sesuatu, memiliki keberhasilan-keberhasilan dalam hidupnya. Sebaliknya bila anak ragu-ragu, ia tidak akan dapat memproduksi terlalu banyak dalam masa sekolahnya. Hal ini akan menimbulkan perasaan bersalah dalam diri anak dan rasa cemas. Pada masa ini ibu perlu memberikan pengakuan atas keberhasilan anak sekecil apapun, meyakinkan anak bahwa dengan usahanya ia akan mampu menghasilkan sesuatu. Kritik yang berlebihan hanya akan menimbulkan perasaan bersalah dalam diri anak. Pertanyaan bagi kita semua, sejauhmana kita sudah “menyatakan” pengakuan kita terhadap anak kita selama ini?

4. Tekun dan rasa rendah diri (tahun 6 sampe awal pubertas).Anak-anak yang tahu bahwa ia mampu memiliki prakarsa dan menghasilkan sesuatu yang baik, menyadari bahwa pekerjaannya tidak sia-sia. Mereka akan mengembangkan sikap tekun dalam menjalani tantangan-tantangan di masa kanaknya. Sebaliknya, anak yang memiliki banyak rasa bersalah, merasa tidak mampu berprakarsa dan menghasilkan sesuatu yang berharga akan mengembangkan sikap rendah diri. Dihadapkan pada masalah bersekolah, orang tua dan anak sering dihadapkan pada konflik terutama hal-hal yang berhubungan dengan prestasi anak di sekolah. Dalam hal ini perlu dipahami bahwa tahap kemampuan berpikir seorang anak dan orang tua itu berbeda. Kemampuan orang tua untuk berpikir jangka panjang, mampu membuat orang tua begitu kawatir dengan prestasi belajar anak-anaknya yang rendah, yang mungkin bisa membuat masa depannya terasa suram. Sementara anak sendiri berpikir yang dimaksudkan dengan masa depan adalah “besok pagi”, karena kemampuan berpikirnya masih pada hal-hal yang terlihat dengan jelas, tampak di depan mata, yaitu hari ini, sementara bagi orang tua, esok hari adalah sangat penting.

5. Identitas dan kebingungan identitas (masa remaja 10-20^th).

Kemampuan berpikir anak mulai berkembang, pada masa ini anak mulai mencari jati dirinya. Anak yang sebelumnya telah mengembangkan kemandirian, industry, dan rasa tekun akan memiliki gambaran diri yang jelas tentang dirinya. Sementara yang dipenuhi rasa ragu, rasa bersalah, rasa rendah diri akan mengalami kebingungan siapakah dirinya.

Pada masa ini ibu perlu menyadari sikap khas masa ini adalah bahwa anak sedang berusaha menunjukkan bahwa dirinya memiliki kemauan mereka sendiri yang mungkin berbeda dari kemauan sang ibu. Ibu perlu menunjukkan penghargaannya atas kemandirian anak dan pemahamannya atas ide-ide anak yang mungkin berbeda dari sang ibu, meskipun tanpa harus selalu setuju atas ide-ide tersebut. Komunikasi yang baik yang telah dipupuk dari masa-masa sebelumnya akan menjadi jembatan bagi dilakukannya diskusi antara kedua belah pihak.

  

6. Intimacy vs Isolation (Keakraban – keterkucilan) masa dewasa awal 20-an, 30-an).

Pada masa ini seseorang mulai menghadapi tugas perkembangan untuk membentuk relasi yang akrab dengan orang lain. Orang yang telah menemukan jati dirinya, cenderung tidak mengalami kesulitan membentuk hubungan dengan orang lain. Punya rasa percaya diri, dan juga kepercayaan terhadap orang-orang di sekitarnya. Sebaliknya, orang-orang yang masih mengalami kebingungan siapakah dirinya, memiliki persoalan-persoalan harga diri, akan mengalami kesulitan dalam membina hubungan yang akrab dengan orang lain, sehingga mengalami perasaan terkucil, kesepian, terisolasi. Bila para ibu sedang berada pada masa ini, perlu diperhatikan apakah kebutuhan intimacynya sendiri telah terpenuhi dengan baik dalam hubungannya dengan suami. Penelitian membuktikan bahwa kepuasan pernikahan dengan suami sangat menentukan kesehatan mental, tingkat stress, maupun kesehatan fisik para ibu (Ross, Mirowsky, & Goldsteen, 1990). Belsky and Fish (1991) juga menemukan bahwa ibu-ibu yang tidak puas terhadap perkawinannya dengan suami mempengaruhi sikapnya terhadap anak, ibu-ibu ini cenderung menjadi lebih tidak sensitive terhadap kebutuhan anak-anaknya. 

7. Bangkit dan Mandeg (masa pertengahan 40-an, 50-an tahun)

Pada masa ini seseorang akan mulai mengarahkan dirinya untuk orang lain. Hidupnya mulai berkembang berpikir untuk orang-orang lain di sekitarnya, untuk suaminya, untuk anak-anaknya, untuk masyarakat di sekitarnya. Orang yang gagal di masa ini akan masih berkutat dengan dirinya sendiri, segala sesuatu untuk dirinya, dan tidak mau berpikir untuk kepentingan orang lain. Hal ini disebabkan akan kehausannya pada masa-masa sebelumnya bahwa ia tak pernah mendapatkan perhatian dan kasih seperti yang dia inginkan. Oleh karena ibu-ibu perlu melihat dirinya sendiri apakah dia sudah bisa mengatasi keinginannya sendiri untuk selalu menjadi pusat perhatian, pusat kasih sayang, ataukah sudah bisa berkembang menjadi orang yang bersedia memberi dan berkorban bagi orang-orang di sekitarnya.

8. Keutuhan dan keputusasaan (masa akhir dewasa 60-an tahun).

Pada masa ini seseorang akan menoleh ke masa lalu dan mengevaluasi apa yang telah mereka lalukan dalam kehidupan mereka. Bila mereka melihat bahwa hidup mereka berharga dan telah mencapai hal-hal yang baik maka akan menimbulkan perasaan utuh, bahwa ia telah melampaui hidupnya dengan baik. Sebaliknya bila dia melihat tidak ada pencapaian yang berarti dalam hidupnya ia akan mengalami keputusasaan dan kehampaan dalam hidup.

Fakta Penelitian mengenai Praktek Pengasuhan Anak

Sehubungan dengan fakta tentang pengasuhan anak, ada beberapa hal yang mungkin perlu diingat sebagaimana dicatat oleh Laswell & Laswell (1987):

1. Tokoh di psikologi menekankan pentingnya pengalaman awal seorang anak, yang akan membentuk menjadi seperti apa anak kelak. Namun, mereka percaya kemampuan untuk berubah itu ada, namun makin tua, perubahan itu akan makin sulit untuk terjadi. Orang semakin sudah mapan, semakin sulit untuk diubah.

2. Yang terutama dalam membesarkan anak adalah adanya peraturan yang konsisten, kasih sayang, dan keterlibatan orang tua dalam pengasuhan anak-anaknya. Kenakalan anak muncul karena tidak adanya ketiga hal ini.

3. Hukuman memang diperlukan tetapi harus dilakukan dengan sangat bijaksana. Disarankan dilakukan tidak berselang terlalu lama dari saat kejadian, disertai dengan penjelasan mengapa hal tersebut tidak diharapkan, dan diberikan alternative perilaku apa yang diharapkan.

4. Para therapist keluarga percaya bahwa keluarga yang berhasil biasanya ditandai dengan orang tua yang kompak, yang bekerja sama dengan baik dalam membesarkan anak dan adanya komunikasi yang baik di antara anggota keluarga.

Penutup

Hal terakhir yang perlu diingat adalah fakta bahwa anak berkembang dari masa dependency ke self-sufficiency (mampu memenuhi kebutuhannya sendiri)  (Lamanna & Riedman, 1994). Ini mengindikasikan bahwa mau tidak mau orang tua semestinya menyadari bahwa secara natural mereka akan mengalami bahwa kemampuan mengontrol anak-anak akan semakin menurun (Gray, 2001), dalam arti, bahwa lama kelamaan anak-anak akan semakin mandiri untuk menentukan pilihan hidupnya sendiri dan tidak lagi dibawah control kita lagi. Lebih lanjut Gray (2001) mengingatkan bahwa tugas “membesarkan anak” ada masanya berhenti. Anak-anak suatu saat akan menjadi orang dewasa yang tahu menentukan hidupnya sendiri. Kita harus menyadari kapan saatnya kita sudah berhenti dari tugas ini dan menghargai mereka sebagai orang dewasa yang mandiri dan bukan lagi menjadi tanggung jawab kita sepenuhnya.  Sebagian orangtua tidak tahu kapan berhenti bertindak “membesarkan anak”, sehingga saat anak-anak sudah mampu menentukan kemauannya sendiri orang tua masih ngotot mendikte dan masih merasa dia berkuasa atas hidup anak-anaknya. Hal ini hanya akan menimbulkan konflik berkepanjangan antara orang tua dan anak yang tidak semestinya.

Lepas dari segala persoalan dan peliknya tugas pengasuhan anak, satu hal yang penting untuk dikembangkan oleh orang tua adalah membangun harga diri dan keyakinan dirinya menjadi orang tua. Yang penting adalah orang tua juga belajar menyadari keterbatasannya dan mengakui bahwa sebagai manusia kita tak pernah lepas dari kesalahan. Daripada merasa bersalah dan berduka atas kesalahan-kesalahan yang telah dilakukannya, orang tua juga tetap memfokuskan pikirannya pada kenyataan bahwa ia telah juga melakukan hal yang baik bagi perkembangan anak-anaknya.

Daftar Pustaka:

Belsky dan Fish (1991). Continuity and discontinuity in infant negative and positive emotionality: Family antecedents and attachment consequences. Developmental Psychology, 27, 421-431.

Bettelheim, B. (1987). A Good Enough Parents. New York : Vintage Books

Gray, J. (2001). Children are from heaven. Jakarta: Gramedia Pustaka

Lamanna dan Riedman (1994). Marriage and Families. California: International Thompson Publishing

Laswell, M.  dan Laswell, T. (1987). Marriage and the Family. California: Wadsworth P.Comp

Ross, C. E., Mirowsky, J., & Goldsteen, K. (1990). The impact of the family on health: The decade in review. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 52, 1059-1078.

Santrock (1995). Life Span Development. Jakarta: Erlangga

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Socioeconomic Variables in Correlation with Marital Satisfaction Among Filipino Wives

Berta Esti Ari Prasetya

Faculty of Psychology Satya Wacana Christian University

This study aimed to investigate the correlation between socioeconomic variables which were husband’s income, wife’s income, combined income of husband and wife, percentage of wife’s income (over combined income of husband and wife) with wife’s marital satisfaction. A total of 129 Filipino wives participated in this study. Pearson-r correlational analyses were performed. Among the socioeconomic variables investigated, only percentage of wife’s income was significantly correlated with wife’s marital satisfaction (r = - .21, p < .05). Husband’s income, wife’s income, and combined income of husband and wife were not significantly correlated with marital satisfaction.

Key words: wife’s marital satisfaction, husband’s income, wife’s income, combined income of husband and wife, percentage of wife’s income.

INTRODUCTION

Married couples are likely to be together for an extended period in an intimate relationship that involves heavy emotional investments. Marriage, therefore, has broad implications for the individual’s mental and physical health (Carstensen, Graff, Levenson, & Gottman, 1996). Unhappy marriages may entail physical violence as well as abuse (Markman, Renick, Floyd, & Stanley, 1993) and even murder (Tariq & Anila, 1993). Low marital quality was found to decrease psychological well-being, increases psychological distress (Ross, Mirowsky, & Goldsteen, 1990), physical health (Wickrama, Lorenz, Conger, & Elder 1997) and is associated with greater increases in depressive mood over time for females than for males (Dehle & Weiss, 1998).

Even so, researches also suggest that marriage affects men differently from women. Married men appear to be healthier than single men irrespective of marital satisfaction, but interestingly, the married women derive health benefits from their marriage only when their marriage is happy. (Hess & Soldo, 1985; Levenson, Carstensen, & Gottman, 1993; Ross et al., 1990). In influencing their children’s emotional changes, marital satisfaction in mothers (wives) is also found to be more crucial compared to the marital satisfaction of fathers (husbands) (Belsky & Fish, 1991).  This finding shows that having a happy marriage or marital quality appears to be more crucial and significantly beneficial for wives rather than for husbands. That is why this researcher is interested to study marital satisfaction among wives.

The next questions will be: how to achieve wives’ marital satisfaction? Many possible answers can be proposed to answer this question. 

In a materialistic society, money is believed to play an important role in determining the person’s happiness. During the courtship periods, parents often times need to check whether their sons in laws to be, are people who have permanent-good jobs, having enough savings for their future life, or even must come from a family that have an equal economic status with their daughters. Often times, when this requirement is not fulfilled, parents may object their daughter’s marriage with that person. Some parents seem to believe that economic status is one of the important determinants of a successful marriage. Is it true? Is the amount of money that the couples have are correlated with their marital satisfaction?

Other interesting issues that may affect wives’ marital relationship nowadays are the wife’s economical status. Nowadays, more and more women in Asia have gained access to increasing levels of education and coincidentally, to an increased level of work force participation (Asian Development Bank, 1994). Medina (2001) noted that married women today are not only doing household chores and children rearing, but are also becoming active income contributors.

   One of the traditional family beliefs mentions that a husband is supposed to be the main breadwinner in the family. The fact that in this changing society, the role of a breadwinner may be replaced by the wife, and that more wives have good jobs and earn a lot more than the husbands, may challenge the traditional belief of the role of husband and wife in the family. Does this condition affect their marital satisfaction? Specifically, does the percentage of the wives’ income over the combined income of the couple is correlated with their marital satisfaction? Those are the questions that are tried to be answered in this study.  

Review of Literature

Marital Satisfaction

Definition of marital satisfaction. Aldous (1996) defined marital satisfaction as how couples feel about each other. Or as Fincham and Bradbury (1987) put it, marital satisfaction acts as an affective measure of marital quality. Spanier and Cole (as cited in Schumm, et al., 1986) defined marital satisfaction as a subjective evaluation about how an individual feels about his/her spouse, his/her marriage and his/her marital relationship. According to these definitions, then, marital satisfaction is a subjective matter, depending upon how a marriage lives up to the expectations of the individual concerned                (L. Scanzoni & J. Scanzoni, 1976).

This study will investigate marital satisfaction using the subjective indices approach. It means, that marital satisfaction will be examined in this study in terms of perceived marital satisfaction rather than the actual marital satisfaction.

Factors that determine marital satisfaction. Bradbury, Fincham, & Beach (2000) summarized that there are factors that determine marital satisfaction, which are: (a) cognitive function of the person, such as attribution style of that person in explaining the negative partner behavior and other events between husband and wife; (b) affective function of the person; (c) physiological concomitants of interactions between husband and wife; (c) patterns in behavior of the person such as withdrawn or demand patterns; (d) violence that exists between husband and wife; (e) sociodemographic factors, such as age, number of children, socioeconomic status, length of marriage; (f) life stressor and transition in life; (g) macrocontext, such as level of neighborhood, national economic, regions where the couples live in, and so forth.

Socioeconomic Variables

Collins dictionary defined the term socioeconomic as circumstances or development involves combination of social and economic factors. Economic means concern with the organization of the money, whereas socio as an adjective that refers to something that related to social factor, means relating to the status or rank that someone has in society. In short, socioeconomic is defined as things that are related with organization of money and how it may affect the status or rank of a person in society.

In this study, socioeconomic variables refer to: (a) the husband’s income, (b) the wife’s income, (c) the combined income of husband and wife, and (d) the percentage of wife’s income over the combined income of husband and wife.  

Correlation of Socioeconomic Variables and Wives’ Marital Satisfaction.

Bradburry et al. (2000) noted that socioeconomic factor is one of the important factors in determining couple’s marital satisfaction. It is crucial and important for the survival of the family life, as Notarius & Markman (1993) mentioned that financial problem can shake even the strongest and happiest couples. Furthermore they reason that couples who have a good financial saving can use it to buy facilities that can help their togetherness merrier. It goes without saying that good financial condition will tend to bring a merrier marital relationship. Research conducted by Wilkie, Ferre, & Ratcliff, (1998) confirmed this by mentioning that there is a positive correlation between family income and marital satisfaction of the couples.

Rogers and DeBoer (2001) found that increases in married women’s absolute and relative income significantly increase their marital happiness and well-being, whereas divorce is not significantly affected by increases in married women’s income. Nevertheless, increases in married women’s income may indirectly lower the risk of divorce by increasing women’s marital happiness. Furthermore Scanzoni (1978) argues that women’s economic contributions are the foundation of satisfying marital relationship and are necessary for establishing equality between partners and effective marital interaction.

It is worthy to note, that Kapur's data (as cited in Khan, 2004) suggested that as long as the wife's job status, income, and total number of working hours do not exceed those of the husband's, the degree of conflict will not be severe. A research done by Philliber and Hiller (1983) found that problems do occur in marriages when the wife’s attainments are higher than her husband’s. Similarly, Khan’s (2004) study on marital instability in Dhaka, Bangladesh with special reference to dual-earner couples showed that the working wives who are superior to their husbands in educational and income levels are more likely to suffer from increased tension and dissatisfaction in their married life.

Even so, other research suggested a different finding, as revealed in a research that was done by Huber and Spitze (1980). They studied the effect of the relative income of husbands and wives in relation to the thought of divorce. In that study, it was found that the marital quality is not reduced by the wife's achievements exceeding the husband's. Rogers (1999) also found in his research that increases in wives' income does not significantly affect either husbands' or wives' perception of marital discord.

Statement of the Problems:

1.      Is husband’s income correlated with wife’s marital satisfaction?

2.      Is wife’s income correlated with wife’s marital satisfaction?

3.      Is combined income of husband and wife correlated with wife’s marital satisfaction?

4.      Is percentage of wife’s income over the combined income of husband and wife correlated with wife’s marital satisfaction?   

Hypotheses

1.      Husband’s income is positively correlated with wife’s marital satisfaction. The higher the husband’s income, the higher the wife’s marital satisfaction.

2.      Wife’s income is positively correlated with wife’s marital satisfaction. The higher the husband’s income, the higher the wife’s marital satisfaction.

3.      Combined income of husband and wife is correlated with wife’s marital satisfaction. The higher the combined income of husband and wife, the higher the wife’s marital satisfaction.

4.      Percentage of wife’s income over the combined income of husband and wife is negatively correlated with wife’s marital satisfaction. The higher the percentage of wife’s income over the combined income of husband and wife, the lower the wife’s marital satisfaction.     

METHOD

This was an explanatory and correlational type of study that tried to test the hypotheses proposed earlier. A survey method, specifically the questionnaire method, was used in data collection, considering that this method could be very economical, it could touch on some sensitive questions, social background information, attitudes, beliefs, values, behavior intentions, and some subjective phenomenon (Singleton & Straits, 1999), which was the nature of the issues of this study. A convenience sampling method was used in data collection.    

Measurements

This study dwelled on subjective evaluations on the part of the participants. It was based on self-report measurements. In order to collect the data, this study used:

1. Personal Data Sheet. The participants were asked to give information about their sociodemographic background by answering questions in a Personal Data sheet. The participants’ answer to the questions about their husband’s income and their personal income will be treated as the data of socioeconomic variables that will be used in the data analysis.  

2. Kansas Marital Satisfaction Scale. Wife’s marital satisfaction was measured by Kansas Marital Satisfaction Scale (KMS). It contained three questions that were theoretically based on Spanier and Cole’s (as cited in Schumm, et al., 1986) conceptual distinction between satisfaction with spouse, marriage, and the marriage relationship. The total score ranged from 3 to 21.   

This scale has been administered to different kinds of populations. It performed reliably with Cronbach’s alpha was.89 for women (Schumm, Scanlon, Crow, Green, & Buckler, 1983b). In the present study, the reliability testing resulted in a Cronbach’s alpha of .96. All the items showed high item-total reliability, ranging from .91 to .93. Evidence for the validity of the scale was provided by the study of Grover, Paff-Bergen, Russell, and Schumm, (as cited in Sabatelli, 1988) and also Schumm, et al. (1986).

3. Open-ended Questions. Together with the other questionnaire, an open-ended question was posed to the participants regarding what they think about the variables that were studied. The answer to this open-ended question was content analyzed and was treated as additional information to deepen the analysis of the study.  

Participants

The subjects of this study were Filipino married women, who were 25-55 years old, who were working, living with the husband, and were residing in Metro Manila during the time of the data gathering. There were 129 respondents who participated in this study.

The mean of their length of marriage was 11.38 years. The mean age of the participants was 36.9 years. Most of them have two children.

The personal data of the participants revealed the following profile on educational attainment:  high school (2.3%), college (72.7%), master’s degree (22.7%), and doctoral degree (2.3%). These participants were employees of private institutions (45.6%), teachers or professors (24%), nurses (22.4%), licensed professionals (3.2%), self-employed (3.2%), and government employees (1.6%).

RESULTS

Socioeconomic Variables

The participants’ responses to the Personal Data Sheet showed that these participants came from different socioeconomic groups, as reflected in their report on their monthly income that ranged from Php 5,000 to Php 300,000. Median income was Php 15,000. The total monthly income together with the husband’s ranged from Php 6,750 to Php 400,000 with the median total monthly income of Php 30,000.

The mean of the percentage of wife’s income (over the combined income of husband and wife) was .52. It means that, in general, the percentage of wife’s contribution to the family income was 52%.

Wife’s Marital Satisfaction

The participants’ responses to the KMS revealed that the mean score of the participants was 16.08 with standard deviation of 4.17. This revealed that the marital satisfaction of the participants in this study is high relative to the highest possible score.

Correlation of Socioeconomic Variables and Marital Satisfaction

Correlational analyses using Pearson-r correlation were performed for this study. The result of correlational analyses showed that there was a negative correlation between the percentage of wife's income (over the combined income) and marital satisfaction      (r = -.21, p <.05). There were no significant correlations found between wife's income, husband's income, and combined husband's and wife's income with marital satisfaction of the wife (see Table 1).

Table 1

Correlation Between Socioeconomic Variables and Marital Satisfaction

Socioeconomic variables	r	Significance
Husband’s income	.10	p > .05
Wife’s income	-.02	p > .05
Combined income of husband and wife	.04	p > .05
Percentage of wife’s income over the combined income of husband and wife	-.21*	p < .05*

 *  p < .05.

DISCUSSION

The result of this study does not confirm past research that points the evident of correlation between family income and marital satisfaction (Wilkie et al., 1998). Blumstein and Schwartz (as cited in Medina, 2001) stated that the income or the amount of money that the couples have per se may not be the most important factor regarding the basic problems with money. Instead, it is the attitudes and behavior with regard to the income management that matters. Furthermore they mentioned that the social meaning of the economic factor is probably more important to look at. How the husband and wife share the same perceptions and expectations about family budgeting, spending, and saving may be more crucial in affecting marital relationship than merely the amount of money that the couples have (Blumstein and Schwartz, as cited in Medina, 2001).

This study points that the wife's percentage income to the total family income is negatively correlated with wife’s marital satisfaction. This result does not confirm some of the earlier researches done in Western society, that gave support to the notion that the wife’s attainment that exceeds those of the husband’s does not affect their marital satisfaction (Huber and Spitze, 1980; Rogers, 1999).

Instead, this study seems to be in accord with the earlier study done by Hornung and McCullough (1981) and Philliber and Hiller (1983) asserted that problems do occur in marriages when the wife's attainments are higher than her husband's. Marital and life satisfactions were less among men whose attainments were less than their wives and among women whose attainments were greater than their husbands'. The relationship is even stronger among people with high achievement orientation.

This study also validates Khan’s study (2002) that the working wives who are superior to their husbands in educational and income levels are more likely to suffer from increased tension and dissatisfaction in their married life. The wives tend to believe that their husbands perceived them as taking over male professional roles, and it threatens their husband’s sense of patriarchal power; which then leads to marital disharmony that further will affect their marital satisfaction.

Wilkie et al. (1998) found that more equitable sharing of breadwinning offers more benefits in marital satisfaction for husbands than for wives. This role preference affects marital satisfaction mainly through perceptions of "fairness". They found that for both husbands and wives, feeling as if one is doing more than their fair share is dissatisfying. In relation to the wife's percentage income over the combined income of husband and wife, a high percentage of the wife's income may be interpreted by the wife as an unfairness in part of the husband. The wife may think that she is doing more than her fair share, because the husband is not doing his breadwinner role, therefore it leads to dissatisfaction with her marriage. The importance of fairness is also revealed in the participants' responses to the open-ended question, "Because I believe that the wife/husband should be equal in duties/responsibilities especially regarding family matter. So when my husband fails to do the duties/responsibilities I feel abused".

It is also possible that the negative decrease of marital satisfaction experienced by the wife who has higher income than the husband is caused by the negative reaction of the husband towards the wife's higher earning. As Parsons and Bales's study (1955) found that the wife’s income negatively affects marriage by threatening the spouse’s role complementarities, as the husband perceives this as a challenge to his status as the family’s primary breadwinner. This is reflected also in a wife's response to open-ended question, "Sometimes, because my husband felt insecure about my career. He cannot accept that I earn more to support the family, that's why sometimes he does not appreciate my effort in working to help family needs", "He would always accuse me of treating him like one of my staff. He's so insecured;  so much pride. You can never ask him to do things for you, You can never even tell him how you feel about something because he thinks he's always right. Yes, so much so that he wants me to feel that he's the boss by not letting me decide things. He would always want me to tell him anything that I want to decide on. He would always want to keep his money from me. He would always let me pay for all the bills because he thinks I earn more than he does"

In this study the correlation between the percentages of the wife’s income over the combined income of husband and wife, although it yielded a significant result, but the correlation was found to be satisfaction low only. In relation to this, other factors may also play important role in affecting the marital of the wives despite of the wife's higher percentage of income. Vannoy and Philliber's study (1992) found that when wives are in higher status occupations than their husbands' the more they will be sensitive to the perception of support from their husbands. They asserted that wives who are more successful than their husbands experience higher quality marriage the more they perceive their husbands are in favor of them working. In this case, the attitudes of the husbands are important in determining the marital quality of those wives who are more successful than their husbands to help them in achieving their marital satisfaction.

This condition is also reflected in one of the responses of the participants. A wife asserted that the husband's support, the give-and-take relationship, and the ability of the wife to still give quality time for the husband, make the higher position of the wife becomes less important in determining their marital satisfaction. "It is not an issue whether I am working and more successful than him. There is a give-and-take in our relationship and this makes our marriage even stronger . . . He is proud of my achievements in my career [italics added]. Same with me, I respect his career and make it a point I give quality time with him. What important is both of us work to support our family."

Conclusions and Recommendation

This study shows that the correlation between some of the socioeconomic variables which are the wife's income, husband's income, and the combined income of husband and wife do not yield any significant result with wife’s marital satisfaction. However, it was found that there is a negative correlation between the percentage of wife’s income (over the combined income of husband and wife) and her marital satisfaction. The higher the percentage of the wife's income (over the combined income), the lower her marital satisfaction.

This research suggests that the amount of money that the couple’s have may not be that crucial in determining wife’s marital satisfaction. This finding would give hope that those who have less in terms of socioeconomic status can still achieve a high level of marital satisfaction. At the same time, it gives warning to those who have a higher socioeconomic status that there is no guarantee that their high socioeconomic status will make them experience high level of marital satisfaction. In this case, other things than material necessity may need to be considered in achieving wife’s marital satisfaction.

The couples whose wife earn higher than the husband may need to give attention to the impact of her higher earnings to her own marital satisfaction. It is not to tell the couples that the wife may be better not to have a higher earning than the husband’s, instead, it simply suggests that the couples have to find ways to avoid this latent problem. The participants’ responses in the qualitative analysis of this study suggested that if the husband provides support, appreciations, acceptance, and understanding of the wife’s higher earning may help the couples to achieve marital satisfaction even if the wife earns more than the husband.

REFERENCES

Aldous, J. (1996). Family careers. California: SAGE Publications, Inc.

Asian Development Bank (1994). Education of women in Asia. Manila, Philippine: Asian Development Bank.

Belsky, J., & Fish, M. (1991). Continuity and discontinuity in infant negative and positive emotionality: Family antecedents and attachment consequences. Developmental Psychology, 27, 421-431.

Bradbury, T. N., Fincham, F .D., & Beach, S. R. H. (2000). Research on the nature and determinants of marital satisfaction: A decade in review. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 62, 964-980.

Carstensen, L. L., Graff, J., Levenson, R. W., & Gottman, J. M. (1996). Affect in intimate relationships: The developmental course of marriage. In C. Magai & S. H. Mc Fadden (Eds.), Hand book of emotion, adult development and aging (pp 227-247). California: Academic Press.

Dehle, C., & Weiss, R. L. (1998). Sex differences in prospective associations between marital quality and depressed mood. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 60, 1002-1011.

Fincham, F. D., & Bradburry, T. N. (1987). The assessment of marital quality. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 49, 797-809.

Hess, B., & Soldo, B. (1985). Husband and wife networks. In W. J. Sauer & R. T. Coward (Eds.), Social support networks and the care of the elderly: Theory, research and practice (pp. 67-92). New York: Springer

Hornung, C. A., & McCullough, B. C. (1981). Status relationship in dual-employment marriages: Consequences for psychological well-being. Journal of the Marriage and the Family, 43, 125-141.

Huber, J., & Spitze, G. (1980). Considering divorce: An expansion of Becker’s theory of marital instability. The American Journal of Sociology, 86, 75-89.

Khan, L. T. (2004). Marital instability in Dhaka, Bangladesh with special reference to dual-earner couples. Retrieved March 15, 2004, from http://www.lib.uchicago.edu/  e/su/southasia/Lubna.html

Levenson, R. W., Carstensen, L. L., & Gottman, J. M. (1993). Longterm marriage: Age, gender and satisfaction. Psychology and Aging, 8, 301-313.

Markman, H. J., Renick, M. J., Floyd , F. J., & Stanley, S. M. (1993). Preventing marital distress through communication and conflict management training: A 4 and 5 year follow-up. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 61, 70-77. 

Medina, B. T. (1995). Issues relating to Filipino marriage and family. In A. E. Perez (Ed.), The Filipino Family: A spectrum of views and issues (pp. 27-39). Quezon City, Philippine: University of the Philippines Press. 

Notarius, C. & Markman, H. (1993). We can work it out: How to solve conflicts, save your marriage, and strengthen your love for each other. New York: The Berkley Publishing Group.

Parsons, T., & Bales, R. (1955). Family socialization and interaction process. New York: The Free Press.

Philliber, W. W., & Hiller, D. V. (1983). Relative occupational attainments of spouses and later changes in marriage and wife’s work experience. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 45, 161-170. 

Rogers, S. J. (1999). Wives’ income and marital quality: Are there reciprocal effects? Journal of Marriage and the Family, 61, 123–132.

Rogers, S. J., & DeBoer, D. D. (2001). Changes in wives’ income: Effects on marital happiness, psychological well-being, and the risk of divorce. Journal of Marriage and Family, 63, 458-472.

Ross, C. E., Mirowsky, J., & Goldsteen, K. (1990). The impact of the family on health: The decade in review. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 52, 1059-1078.

Sabatelli, R. M. (1988). Measurement issues in marital research: A review and critique of contemporary survey instruments. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 50, 891-915.

Scanzoni, L. (1978). Sex roles, women’s work and marital conflict: A study of family change. Lexington, MA: Health.

Scanzoni, L., & Scanzoni, J. (1976). Men, women and change: A sociology of marriage and family. New York: Mc Graw Hill Inc.

Schumm, W. R., Paff-Bergen, L. A., Hatch, R. C., Obiorah, F. C., Copeland, J. M., Meens, L. D., et al. (1986). Concurrent and discriminant validity of the Kansas Marital Satisfaction Scale. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 48, 381-387.

Schumm, W. R., Scanlon, E. D., Crow, C. L., Green, D. M., & Buckler, D. L. (1983b). Characteristic of the Kansas Marital Satisfaction Scale in a sample of 79 married couples. Psychological Reports, 53, 583-588.

Singleton, R., & Straits, B. C. (1999). Approaches to social research (3rd ed.). New York: Oxford University.

Tariq, P. N. & Anila, M. (1993). Marital maladjustment and the crime of murder among Pakistani female criminals. International Journal of Psychology, 28, 809-819.

Vannoy, D., & Philliber, W. W. (1992). Wife’s employment and quality of marriage. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 54, 387-398.

Wickrama, K. A. S, Lorenz, F. O., Conger, R. D. & Elder, J. G. H. (1997). Marital quality and physical illness: A latent growth curve analysis. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 59, 143-155.

Wilkie, J. R., Ferre, M. M., & Ratcliff, K. S. (1998). Gender and fairness: Marital satisfaction in two-earner couples. Journal of Marriage Read More...

CORRELATION BETWEEN GENDER ROLE AND MARITAL SATISFACTION AMONG FILIPINO WIVES

Berta Esti Ari Prasetya

Universitas Kristen Satya Wacana

ABSTRACT

This study aimed to investigate the correlation between wife’s gender role and  wife’s marital satisfaction. A total of 129 Filipino wives participated in this study. Pearson-r 
correlational analyses were performed and showed that there is no correlation between wife’s gender role and wife’s marital satisfaction. (r = - .21, p < .05).    

Key words: wife’s gender role, wife’s marital satisfaction.

Introduction

Many researches have suggested that marital quality is very important for married couples as Carstensen, Graff, Levenson, & Gottman (1996) noted that it has broad implications for the individual’s mental and physical health. Unhappy marriages may entail physical violence as well as abuse (Markman, Renick, Floyd, & Stanley, 1993) and even murder (Tariq & Anila, 1993), decreases psychological well-being, increases psychological distress (Ross, Mirowsky, & Goldsteen, 1990), and is associated with greater increases in depressive mood over time for females than for males (Dehle & Weiss, 1998). Wickrama, Lorenz, Conger, and Elder (1997) found that the initial level of and the change in the marital quality of husbands and wives correlate with the initial level of and the change in physical health, after controlling for the influence of work stress, education, and income. The quality of the interaction between spouses in the marriage will become an important determinant of parenthood quality (Belsky and Fish,1991).

Although it is very clear that marital quality has a great impact in human life, research suggests that marriage affects men differently from women. Some finding shows that having a happy marriage or marital quality appears to be more crucial and significantly beneficial for wives rather than for husbands (Belsky & Fish, 1991; Hess & Soldo, 1985; Levenson, Carstensen, & Gottman, 1993; Ross et al., 1990).

A question that arises now is: What factors may be related to the marital satisfaction of the wives? Nowadays more and more women are highly knowledgeable and well informed on scholarly and civic issues. In fact, a report issued by Asian Development Bank (1994) entitled Education of Women in Asia, supports this by mentioning that, in some Asian countries, women have gained access to increasing levels of education and coincidentally, to an increased level of work force participation. In the Philippines, for instance, Medina (2001) noted that married women today have relatively more options as to what role to play, unlike the earlier years that the role of women was lingered in family works.

In this changing society, women’s role in the family may also experience changing. It is plausible that the gender role of the wives may also play an important function in the marital satisfaction among the wives in this changing society. The traditional gender role believes that a woman’s place is mainly at home. A traditional division of women somehow limits them to explore their capabilities in other areas in life outside of their family life. One research has shown that the traditional division of labor reduced wives’ marital satisfaction, although it seems to increase that of the husbands’ (White, Booth, & Edwards, 1986). Other studies addressing this issue are ambiguous: Snyder (1975) found that there was no relation between the two, whereas Huber and Spitze (1980) mention that nontraditional wives are less happy with their marriages. Hochschild (as cited in Amato & Booth, 1995) asserts that egalitarian marriages are the happiest. Most of the studies were done in western communities. In relation to this, therefore, it is also interesting to explore how gender role affects marital satisfaction among Asian wives, especially in the Philippines where the traditional role continues to be strong.

REVIEW OF THE LITERATURES

Marital Satisfaction

Spanier and Cole (as cited in Schumm, et al., 1986) defined marital satisfaction as a subjective evaluation about how an individual feels about his/her spouse, his/her marriage and his/her marital relationship.

Marital satisfaction will be examined in this study in terms of perceived marital satisfaction rather than the actual marital satisfaction. As Berger and Kellner mentioned (as cited in Rhyne, 1981) “it is not what happens in that marriage, but how the partners understand or define what has happened that is more crucial”(p. 942). Taken altogether, marital satisfaction is defined as a subjective evaluation of an individual’s feeling about his/her spouse, his/her marriage, and his/her marital relationship. Marital satisfaction will be examined in this study in terms of perceived rather than the actual marital satisfaction.

  

Gender Role

Anselmi and Law (1998) noted that social psychology literature defines “gender roles as socially and culturally defined prescriptions and beliefs about the behavior and emotions of men and women” (p. 195). It describes how someone acts out his masculinity or her femininity. Gender roles influence how a person perceives others, how that person feels and how that person behaves to others.

In a marital relationship, the idea of gender role will be implemented in the structure of spouse role. Bott (1957) first developed the concept of  joint and segregated role relationship. She described marital relation as joint (now more commonly known as egalitarian), when the spouses perform tasks together or when either spouse carries out the same activity at different times. Those who have modern gender role tend to implement this joint role or egalitarian role in their marital relationship.  In contrast, segregated relationships occur when the spouses perform separate tasks (Rogler & Procidano, 1989). In a segregated relationship, the spouses tend to apply traditional gender roles, that is, women and men have their own specific roles determined by their sex as man or woman.

Considering all the aforementioned factors, this study will define gender role as socially and culturally defined prescriptions and beliefs about the behavior and emotions of men and women that will influence how people act out their masculinity and femininity. The type of gender role that will be studied in this study refers to the kinds of gender role that is implemented by the wives in the structure of spouse role, either:

1. Traditional gender role, which is based on polar, dichotomous conceptions of the nature and roles of men versus women. Those who have the traditional gender role believe that women and men have their own specific role that is determined by their sex, as man or woman in their marital relationship. This refers to the gender role behavior stereotype, such that the man’s role is the breadwinner, the head of the family, responsible for the social connection between family members and the people outside, whereas the woman’s role is staying at home, doing the household chores and taking care of the children, and providing emotional support for the family.

2. Modern or egalitarian gender role that is characterized by flexible and dynamic transcendence of sex-role constraints that are not specified by sex. Those who have modern or egalitarian gender role are not tied with the role behavior stereotype. Instead, the difference between the role of man and woman is not clearly delineated. Therefore, they are more flexible in playing the role during the course of marital relationship. The wife may perform tasks that are also carried out by her husband at a different time.  

Gender role and its correlation with marital satisfaction. Kitson and Sussman (1982) conducted a study among divorcing men and women in Metropolitan Cleveland, USA. It was found that for women, gender role conflict is the second most frequent complaint that they experienced in their marital relationship.

Studies of gender role and its relation to marital relationship revealed different findings throughout the years. In the western society, the 1960s studies indicated that marital happiness was greatest in traditional marriages in which husbands performed the central provider role (Vannoy & Philliber, 1992). A study conducted by Snyder (1975) found no correlation between the traditional division of labor and marital satisfaction. However, later studies provide support that there is a correlation between gender role and marital satisfaction, but there were conflicting findings with regard to the direction of the correlation. 

A study on gender role that suggested correlation between gender role and marital satisfaction was conducted by Huber and Spitze (1980). They found that nontraditional wives are less happy with their marriages. These result was supported by other researches such as what was conducted by Amato and Booth (1995) pointed out that wives with less traditional gender role attitudes (i.e., wives with more egalitarian gender role) have lower perceived marital quality.

But those results were contradicted by other researches.  White et al. (1986) found that the more traditional division of labor reduced wives’ marital satisfaction, although it seemed to increase husbands’ marital satisfaction. Rogler and Procidano (1989) conducted a study among intergenerationally linked Puerto Rican families and found similar result that the wives’ marital satisfaction is associated with egalitarian spousal roles. Hochschild (as cited in Amato & Booth, 1995), also found that egalitarian marriages are the happiest. Gottman and Notorius (2002a) also supported this finding by asserting that egalitarian couples have the highest marital satisfaction.

In the Philippines, an early study conducted by Lapuz (1977) found that role reversals (therefore, tends to comply with egalitarian gender role) is one source of marital crisis that undermines Filipino marriages. However, this result was not supported by the study conducted by Dayan et al. (2001). They found that role orientation is a weak stressor for the majority of marriage annulment petitioners in their study. A later study conducted by Murillo (2004) among Filipino couples found that wives’ gender role attitude is directly related and predictive of their marital satisfaction. It was revealed in her study that the more egalitarian the wives’ gender role attitudes, the more they tend to report higher levels of marital satisfaction.

Observing the situation nowadays in the Philippine setting, it seems that wives are also expected to do more than just stay home and take care of the family. The fact that there are more women who go to school and who achieve higher education have paved the way for them to plunge into the work market. In relation to this condition, Murillo (2004) asserted that women need to have flexible self-concept and attitudes that allow them to accommodate varying demands, in order to successfully carry out the roles of wife, mother, and paid worker simultaneously. This flexibility will allow them to be successful in performing these multiple roles and later on will enable them to reap all the psychological rewards that come from each. This may allow them to experience more positive relations and experience less marital conflicts with their husbands, all of which contribute to higher level of marital satisfaction. In relation to this, she asserted that those who have egalitarian gender roles are believed to have such flexible self-concept and attitude. Therefore, those who have more egalitarian gender role will tend to experience higher marital satisfaction. 

Statement of the Problem : Is gender role correlated with marital satisfaction among Filipino wives?

Hypothesis : Gender role is correlated with marital satisfaction among Filipino wives. The more a wife holds a modern or egalitarian gender role, the higher the marital satisfaction.

METHOD

This was an explanatory and correlational type of study that tried to test the hypotheses proposed earlier. A survey method, specifically the questionnaire method, was used in data collection, considering that this method could be very economical, it could touch on some sensitive questions, social background information, attitudes, beliefs, values, behavior intentions, and some subjective phenomenon (Singleton & Straits, 1999), which was the nature of the issues of this study. A convenience sampling method was used in data collection.   

Measurements

This study dwelled on subjective evaluations on the part of the participants. It was based on self-report measurements. In order to collect the data, this study used:

1. Gender Role Questionnaire.

GRQ utilized a Likert Scale style. The participants were asked to give ratings ranging from 1 (strongly disagree) to 5 (strongly agree), with the statements in the questionnaires reflecting their belief about the role of man or woman. GRQ measures whether participants lean either toward the traditional gender role or modern gender role.

It contain of 10 items with the coefficient of Cronbach’s alpha obtained was .73. The total score ranged from 10 for the lowest possible to 50 for the highest possible. The higher the score the more traditional the belief about the roles of husband and wife.  

2. Kansas Marital Satisfaction Scale. Wife’s marital satisfaction was measured by Kansas Marital Satisfaction Scale (KMS). It contained three questions that were theoretically based on Spanier and Cole’s (as cited in Schumm, et al., 1986) conceptual distinction between satisfaction with spouse, marriage, and the marriage relationship. The total score ranged from 3 to 21.  

This scale has been administered to different kinds of populations. It performed reliably with Cronbach’s alpha was.89 for women (Schumm, Scanlon, Crow, Green, & Buckler, 1983b). In the present study, the reliability testing resulted in a Cronbach’s alpha of .96. All the items showed high item-total reliability, ranging from .91 to .93. Evidence for the validity of the scale was provided by the study of Grover, Paff-Bergen, Russell, and Schumm, (as cited in Sabatelli, 1988).

Participants

The subjects of this study were Filipino married women, who were 25-55 years old, who were working, living with the husband, and were residing in Metro Manila during the time of the data gathering. There were 129 respondents who participated in this study.

The mean of their length of marriage was 11.38 years. The mean age of the participants was 36.9 years. Most of them have two children.

The personal data of the participants revealed the following profile on educational attainment:  high school (2.3%), college (72.7%), master’s degree (22.7%), and doctoral degree (2.3%). These participants were employees of private institutions (45.6%), teachers or professors (24%), nurses (22.4%), licensed professionals (3.2%), self-employed (3.2%), and government employees (1.6%).

RESULT AND DISCUSSION

Gender Role and Marital Satisfaction

The result of correlational analysis that was performed in this study shows that gender role is not significantly correlated with marital satisfaction with r = - .12, p > .05

This result does not give support to most of researches on gender role that have been reviewed earlier in this study, either in Western setting or in Asian setting, that found a correlation between gender role and marital satisfaction. It does not validate researches that give support to traditional gender role as the more beneficial gender role to attain wife's marital satisfaction (Amato & Booth, 1995; Huber & Spitze, 1980;  Lapuz, 1977). It neither validates researches that give support to egalitarian gender role as more beneficial gender role to achieve wife's marital satisfaction (Hochschild, as cited in Amato & Booth, 1995; Gottman & Notorius, 2002a; Murillo, 2004; Rogler & Procidano, 1989; White et al., 1986). Instead, this result seems to validate the earlier research conducted by Snyder (1975) and also Vannoy and Philliber (1992) who asserted that there is no correlation between gender role and marital satisfaction or marital quality.

The possible explanation for this result may due to the fact that the correlation between gender role and marital satisfaction may not solely depend on what gender role attitude the wives hold, but will also depend on their husbands' gender role attitudes. It means that the compatibility between the husband's and the wife's gender role is the important thing in affecting their marital satisfaction. This line of reasoning is in accord with what is reported by Craddock (as cited in Pierce, 1983) in a survey of marriage counselor's perception of the impact of social change upon marital dysfunction. He found that it is the incongruent combination of gender roles both of husband and wife that is related to marital dysfunction. The counselors reported that major problems emerge from marriages between traditional males and egalitarian females. These incongruent performance expectations would lead to conflicts and frustrations in the early months of marriage. On the contrary, the counselors in his study reported fewer problems involving egalitarian husbands and traditional wives.

Craddock (as cited in Pierce, 1983) contended that couples whose role expectations are congruent were not seen to be as likely to encounter significant marital difficulties, whether they are harmoniously traditional or egalitarian. His study implies that the wife's gender role is not the sole determinant in their marital satisfaction; instead the husband's gender role is the one to be considered in understanding the dynamics of their relationships.  This is also in line with what is proposed by Scarr et al. (as cited in Medina, 2001) that “marital harmony depends not so much on what the roles of the spouses are but on whether or not they agree on their roles and play them consistently” (p. 187). Therefore, it is understandable that the result of this study does not yield a significant correlation between wife's gender role and her marital satisfaction, because this study investigated on wife's gender role only.

A study conducted by Wilkie et al. (1998) found that the one who should be doing the housework or breadwinning has little influence on marital satisfaction for both husbands and wives. It is the intrinsic reward from what they prefer that influences their marital satisfaction. Wives who take pride in being good at their jobs (i.e., tend to be egalitarian) and those wives who personally prefer a more conventional division of domestic responsibilities (i.e., tend to be traditional) are more satisfied with their marriages than wives who do not experience intrinsic rewards from their paid employment and who prefer more domestic responsibilities (Wilkie et al., 1998). Furthermore, Wilkie et al. (1998) suggested that greater responsibilities for housework will increase marital satisfaction among women who have conventional preferences (i.e., more traditional gender role) but for women who prefer to share responsibilities (i.e., more egalitarian gender role) it will decrease their marital satisfaction. On the other hand, whereas paid work responsibilities improve marital satisfaction among women who prefer to share responsibilities (egalitarian gender role) than women with conventional preferences (traditional gender role). In short, it appears that it is not preferences on gender role alone that affect marital satisfaction, but the match between what they prefer with their actual work, complemented by intrinsic rewards from their preference, that affects their marital satisfaction.    

Other possible explanations may be related with Vannoy and Philliber's study (1992), which pointed out that the husband's expectations that resulted from his gender role are more important in determining the spouse's marital satisfaction compared to the wife's expectations. It is the role expectations of the husband and the wife's perception of those expectations that are affecting more the marital quality of both spouses. It was found that the more traditional the husband's expectations are, the lower the quality of their marriage will be. On the contrary, the wife's gender role and the wife's role expectations, and the husbands' perceptions of those expectations are unrelated to marital quality experienced by either spouse (Vannoy & Philliber, 1992). They also found that it is the husband's expectations which determine the nature of the marriage. It means that only if the husband is willing to allow her wife to work and to share household and child-care tasks that the nontraditional or egalitarian marriage can occur.

Another way of interpreting the absence of correlation between gender role and marital relationship in this study may also be explained using a theory proposed by Hicks and Platt (1970). They proposed that there are two basic marital types:

1. The institutional. This marital type views family as matrix of defined, interlocking and independent role. According to this type, the compatibility between role expectations and actual role performance will determine marital happiness and marital satisfaction. In relation to the gender role attitude, the actual fulfillment of these expectations that came from their belief about their gender role is considered to be important in determining their marital satisfaction.

2. The companionship.  This marital type places greater emphasis on the affective aspects of the relationship. In this type of marriage, the frequency of companionship and expression of love becomes important in determining their marital satisfaction. Variables such as affection for spouse, sexual fulfillment, companionship, and communication are considered important.

In relation to those marital types, a study conducted by Rhyne (1981) reviewed earlier found that women tend to focus more on the companionship aspect of the marriage. Therefore, it is plausible that women tend to believe in the companionship marital type more than the institutional. They may tend to place greater emphasis on the affective aspect of the relationship rather than the compatibility of their gender role expectations and the role performance.  Therefore, it is understandable that gender role turned out to be not significant in determining their marital satisfaction. Other factors such as the frequency of companionship, expression of love, affection of spouse, sexual fulfillment, companionship, and communication may be found to be more important for wives rather than their gender role (Rhyne, 1981).

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